PAMPHLET: NO CHOICES

From 1763 until the present 1776, Britain has increased its relations with the American colonies. These far-flung reaches of the empire were becoming too independent, unwieldy, and unfaithful. Parliament has passed many acts, all of which are completely justified and would have been for the better if it hadn't been for the trouble-making inhabitants of the Americas. In the 1760's, when Britain began to tighten its grip and enforce regulations, the Americans seemed confused, disorganized, yet resistant. In the present decade, the 1770's, the American simpletons have become downright openly rebellious. The following clarifies the British standpoint during this turbulent era:

It all began in 1763 when Parliament established the Proclamation Line. This line simply divided the American continent into two parts, and was in all actuality the Appalachian mountain range. This was an effort to keep colonists and Indians separated, so as to minimize confrontations. In response to our honorable gesture, the greedy Virginians, hungry for real estate on which to establish tobacco plantations, began to spread their dissent to the other colonies. In the mid-1760's, the British were able to put down most of the Indian resistance on the American frontier. Although they used a few radical methods, (such as deliberately infecting the Indians with smallpox) they got the job done. This order was to be maintained by the 10,000 British troops planted in the colonies. The colonials themselves were too unruly, disorganized, and lazy to sustain an army for themselves, and Britain was there to pick up their slack.

Americans were expected to pay for the protection of British troops; in fact, they should've been happy to pay for the generosity. The taxation methods were established in a subtle way that shouldn't have been extremely noticeable. A pence here and a pence there seemed to be a logical way to raise money. The first major act passed was the Sugar Act of 1764 (an external tax), with a goal of raising £100,000 of the £500,000 needed to sustain the British troops in America. One-fifth seemed a reasonable amount for colonists to support. Sugar and molasses imported into America was slightly taxed by a mere 3-4 pence. Americans disliked being "taxed without representation" and didn't like the associated organizing regulation stating that American ships had to pass through England en route to other countries. The colonists were never taxed heavier than 1.5 shillings apiece; even though British citizens were expected to pay 26 shillings each. As for our monopoly over their exports, Britain is their mother country, after all.

The Stamp Act of 1765 was met with even more resistance. Because the Sugar Act failed to raise the amount needed to support the troops (due to Americans bribing corrupted officials) the Stamp Act (an internal tax) was established. Americans were simply required to have paper used for official documents stamped for a few pence. Of course, the over-critical colonists found something in the act to be "unconstitutional," because "they taxed themselves and didn't need British taxes as well." They responded by sowing the seeds of treason and rebellion. Ebenezer MacIntosh of Boston organized a mob which demolished homes of British officials, tax collectors, and stamp distributors. Other colonies followed suit and by the time the Stamp Act was to take effect, virtually every stamp distributor had resigned.

His majesty King George III appointed William Pitt to his cabinet. Pitt's health failed, however, and Charles Townshend took over. Townshend established strict trade and tax regulations in an attempt to maintain order in the colonies and keep the income to the troops steadier. Luckily for us, the taxes the "Townshend duties" imposed were collectible offshore boat-to-boat, where no riot mobs could reach and interfere. The colonies instead sent treasonous letters to Parliament, who immediately insisted that the colonies take back their rebellious words; the colonies voted not to.

Tensions rose as the 1770's approached. Britain revised the system to increase its efficiency and honesty by replacing corrupt tax officials. Incidents such as the Boston Massacre occurred in Boston, and British troops were despised by the over-anxious Yankees. Finally, the British gave in to the whining Americans and repealed most of the Townshend duties.

The Tea Act was passed to save Britain's Tea Company in East India. Although Britain was buying as much tea as possible, it was discovered that Americans were buying only one-fifth of their tea from the company. This not only would save the Tea Company, but would also give the Americans their way concerning the last of the Townshend duties that they disagreed with. Again, the rabble-rousers became suspicious of British intentions and decided the Tea Act was a menace to their representative government. They believed that British officials would profit from the Act, which would tip the balance of their government. They responded with the "Boston Tea Party" in which Bostonians threw forty-five tons of tea into the sea.

Boston was out of control. Something dramatic had to happen to stop their antics, and this came in the form of the Coercive Acts. These acts closed Boston harbor, restructured their government, allowed British troops to occupy their buildings, and permitted accused offenders of trials in England or in other colonies.

In response to the Coercive Acts, the colonies formed the First Continental Congress, whose sole purpose seemed to be to find fault in England's policies. The first skirmishes between British troops and colonial mobs at Lexington and Concord in recent months have foreshadowed the inevitable war.

In conclusion, the time between the first colonizations and 1763 was enough time to allow colonials to become self-dependent and patriotic enough to be an unruly nuisance to their mother country. All acts passed and taxes imposed on the colonies have been logical, justified, and common sense. The paranoia characteristic of the Yankees caused them to misinterpret British intentions and fear the worst. Responding with violence, Americans forced England to take up arms to keep them in line. Isn't it enough that Britain provides them protection from themselves and others? Like children, they have strayed too far from their mother's side, and it is the mother's job to spank them as necessary and place them back in line.